Posts Tagged With: behavior

Are You Though?

“I’m just being honest”

How many people do we know say that right before they say something pretty hurtful? I can think of a few. I’m pretty sure I’m a culprit of doing this myself.

While being honest is an excellent quality to have as part of your repertoire, we can’t neglect that it can sometimes stem from a desire to cause someone pain, thus cloaking its true nature under the intent of being truthful. Of course, the truth does hurt sometimes, and often times the truth needs to be heard. But we can control how that truth is packaged. Words can cut like knives and you can very easily bury your relationship with the verbal cuts of a “truthful” tongue.

So are you being honest or are you using it as a platform to gleefully throw knives at someone from behind the force-field of “honesty”? Here’s how to distinguish between the two: If you want to be an asshole the wrong kind of honest, then go ahead and stomp on that person you’re trying to hurt while pretending you’re doing them a favor by being honest. But if you want to be the right kind of honest, then evaluate the situation and balance your desire to be direct with the other person’s right to be treated with respect.

There is no need for the truth to be delivered in an overly harsh manner and certainly not at the expense of someone’s feelings. Whether you are masking your own insecurity by putting someone else down or lashing out in anger, the way in which you choose to package and deliver your words in the heat of a storm says more about you than your claims of taking the moral high ground. Sure, it feels good to expunge your negative energy under the veil of honesty, but know that you’re not inherently trying to benefit the other person and that you may very well pay a terrible price for this temporary satisfaction.

Ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything:
1) “Does this need to be said?”
2) “Does this need to be said by me?
3) “Does this need to be said by me now?

Consider whether what you intend to say or do will be helpful and constructive to the other person and your relationship or not. If you’re speaking out of a place of anger, then you’re single-handedly tearing out the roots of that relationship. But if you’re speaking from the most vulnerable part of your emotional core that isn’t tainted by hurt, anger or sadness, then you’re turning conflict into connection, and fostering a relationship based on the right kind of honesty.

honesty


“Your conscience is the measure of the honesty of your selfishness. Listen to it carefully.”

— Richard Bach

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An Introduction to Introverts

People always want to be classified as an extrovert. Extroverts are fun! They’re outgoing! They’re social butterflies!  They gain energy from being with other people and the external environment.

Me? I gain energy from being alone.

Yes, I’m an introvert. Now let me stop you before you think I’m shy or quiet or something stereotypical of the sort, because that’s far from the truth. Introversion doesn’t necessarily equal quietness or shyness or a lack of confidence. Sure, when I was kid, I was all that and more when I was around new people. But today, if you put me in a room full of strangers, I won’t be part of the wallpaper. I will come up and talk to you. And while I’m at it, I’ll be enthusiastic and energetic and could pass off as any typical extrovert. The difference though, is that I’d prefer not to do those things. I prefer being by myself.

That’s not to say I don’t enjoy hanging out in a group setting but if I had to choose, I’d rather have deep discussions with close friends, than socialize in a large crowd and engage in idle chit chat. I’ll do it but I find it tedious. I’ll look forward to going home where I know I will be alone and can be in my own head ‘coz whose thoughts would I like better than my own? (Also, I have some pretty hilarious conversations with myself but that’s not really relevant.)

The point I’m trying to make here is that there is nothing wrong with this kind of behavior. For some reason, everyone is force-fed this notion that in order for you to be considered normal, you need to get out there and be sociable. In order to be likable  you need to be the life of the party, and enjoy being in the spotlight. All I’m trying to say is that this is not necessarily so. Introverts are pretty awesome in and of themselves, just as much as extroverts are so let’s stop the debate on which personality trait is better and leave it to what it essentially is: preference.

This short video outlines the defining characteristics of Introverts and Extroverts. I’m not a perfect introvert and neither am I a perfect extrovert. But if there were a scale, my personality would range closer towards introversion than extroversion for sure.

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“Boys Will Be Boys”

I really hate it when people say that. 
I don't think most people realize that when they make an argument like that, they are being profoundly anti-male by implying that we should expect bad behavior from boys and men and that we shouldn't be surprised when it happens. The assumption here is that men are incapable of acting appropriately and are somehow disabled in their understanding of how to properly integrate and interact with others. For example: eve teasing. It's not acceptable, but people brush it off by saying 'oh come on, he's a guy. He's hardwired to behave like an animal'. This kind of cavalier attitude exempts bad behavior, allows it to continue and simultaneously reinforces the notion that nothing more can be expected of boys and men. Yes, they don't have brains like the rest of us so they can't make well informed decisions on how to behave. If I were a guy, I'd find that insulting. 

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