I don’t usually watch romantic comedies but when they star Joseph Gordon-Levitt then I’m all over it like the Chinese on Tibet. And so I watched 500 Days of Summer. This is not a review of the movie or anything but I came across a quote Joseph made regarding his character in the movie that was really striking:
“I would encourage anyone who has a crush on my character to watch it again and examine how selfish he is. He develops a mildly delusional obsession over a girl onto whom he projects all these fantasies. He thinks she’ll give his life meaning because he doesn’t care about much else going on in his life. A lot of boys and girls think their lives will have meaning if they find a partner who wants nothing else in life but them. That’s not healthy. That’s falling in love with the idea of a person, not the actual person.”
Thank you, Joseph.
How many of us have done this? I know I have definitely idealized people, be it boyfriends, friends, or family, and made them out to be something completely different from what they truly are, and it’s no one else’s fault but my own. Thankfully, I have come to realize the grave mistake of doing so and most times I catch myself in the act before I inflict serious damage to my psyche.
When it comes to relationships, most people sincerely believe that finding the right person will give their life meaning and will therefore make it beautiful. As lovely as that sounds, it isn’t that simple. This idea of completion is such a deadly concept because really, happiness cannot be found through acquiring someone. Real happiness can only be derived from yourself and if you’re not happy with yourself, you will never be happy. What’s great about relationships is that you get to share your self-derived happiness with the person and vice versa – that’s what makes your life beautiful. Life isn’t going to miraculously be better or different just because you found someone who loves you. You need to love you too.
The message I got from this movie is this: don’t look for the one who completes you. You need to be complete first, then look for the one who loves you completely.
And that concludes this sap-fest of a blogpost.
“Relax. You will become an adult. You will figure out your career. You will find someone who loves you. You have a whole lifetime; time takes time. The only way to fail at life is to abstain.”
– Johanna de Silentio