Life isn’t perfect. The best things in life are hard to come by, and they don’t come without a struggle. But nothing will deter us from our pursuit of perfection. For example, a vast majority of us believe in finding the perfect job. The kind of job that you are eager to wake up to, is within close distance to you, the kind of place that inspires, challenges, and supports you. Your coworkers are great people, and your boss is your muse/mentor. This perfect job entails earning a wonderful salary that allows you to afford everything you desire. It even provides ample free time in which you can enjoy all of this money you’re making. Your job should be the envy of the world, and with it, you should live happily ever after.
I know very few people who are highly satisfied with their jobs. But finding the perfect job is hard because it doesn’t exist; at least not over the span of an entire lifetime. This concept of “perfectness” is pushed down our throats in other areas of our lives as well. And in the case of love, I think it can be particularly problematic.
Once we grow up a bit and see the that the world isn’t as shiny as we thought it was, we’re willing to accept that most great life choices (where we live, what career we pursue, who we choose as friends, etc) include ups and downs. There is no “correct” choice we can make that guarantees us having it all. And yet, we are quick to believe (through entertainment, “talks” about love and marriage, or just the images we are shown daily) the idea that real love is a flowing river of deep affection and affirmations. “We shouldn’t settle for anything less than The One,” we say. “The Right One is out there waiting for you”, we say. These ideas fill the bulk of our childhoods, spill over into our adolescence and is constantly reinforced by every movie we’ve ever seen.
I really think this idea of “The One” sets people up for heart break. If you live under the pressure of fulfilling a prophecy of “soulmates,” you could be doomed to spend years repeating the same mistakes in a given relationship without any self-reflection. Here’s the truth everyone: “The One” doesn’t exist, and never will. There is no person who is going to sweep you off your feet and carry you off to that utopian paradise without consequences or compromises. Compromises, in fact, may be the closest you’ll ever get to finding “The One”. If you have someone who makes you want to be a better person, and who actively works on becoming a better person themselves; someone who learns to put you first from time to time (and vice versa), who does so joyfully, then you have picked yourself a clear winner – a real-life knight in shining armor. But that by no means implies that you will have a fairy tale ending.
There shouldn’t be a “perfect” image of anything that we’re chasing after in life, as it’s so clear to all of us how very un-perfect life often proves to be. But it seems profoundly dangerous to set such limiting goals for something as complicated as love between two human beings that is supposed to last a lifetime. Dating is hard enough as it is, the last thing we need to be doing is recreating a Bollywood movie.
Not sure if it really exists Carrie, but it sure sounds enticing: