I am not a fan of change. I prefer staying within the realms of my comfort zone and when time comes along and asks to get my things packed up, I take a pretty long time to adjust. I came to Saint John in 2006 and I can honestly say that I’m still not entirely happy. I keep thinking that maybe if it didn’t feel so confined, if it wasn’t so close-knit that there’s no where to escape to, it’d be better. But it’s not that at all.
I’ve never been more aware of the fact of how very different people are from you. You’d think that there shouldn’t be such a large difference but oh no, there is a significant amount of cracks.
Anyway, it took me two years to come to terms with it. I amaze myself at how deeply I can submerge myself into denial, make myself think it can work when the truth is blatantly staring at you point blank in the face. I’m hoping that socially wise, things look brighter in my future. True that at the end of the day, there are only a select few who are your real friends, but it’s nice to have something a little more. I was so used to having that before and not having that now is still taking a toll on me. Why is that so hard to find?
I was so intent on finding myself that piece of the puzzle but it never really fit just right. Let’s hope that the next time I pack my bags, I’ll finally get the right piece.